A green garden gate standing open in a stone wall, with a meadow beyond

Consent, touch and boundaries in a ceremony

BySafe Ceremonies

Ceremonies can involve a lot of physical contact. A facilitator might hold your hand, help you walk to the bathroom, blow tobacco smoke over you, brush you with leaves or press on your back while you purge. In kambo, small burns are made on your skin. Much of this is ordinary and done with care. All of it is something you should know about, and agree to, before the ceremony starts.

This guide explains why consent works differently in a ceremony, what reasonable touch looks like, how to set your boundaries in advance and what to do if someone crosses them.

Why consent is harder in a ceremony

Under the influence of a psychedelic, your judgment, your sense of time and your reading of other people can all change. Researchers who study touch in psychedelic-assisted therapy put it plainly: people under the influence have a reduced capacity to give consent, are more suggestible, and may experience touch in ways they didn’t expect beforehand.

There’s also a gap in power. The person leading the ceremony controls what you’re given, interprets what happens to you, and may be seen as a healer or spiritual authority. The Chacruna Institute’s community guide on sexual abuse in ayahuasca settings points to that imbalance as one reason consent in this setting is so fraught.

The practical answer is simple. The important decisions get made beforehand, with a clear head.

Agree in advance, with a clear head

The Council on Spiritual Practices’ code of ethics for spiritual guides says participation should be voluntary and based on disclosure and consent given while the person is in an ordinary state of mind, after being told about the physical and psychological risks. That’s a good standard for any ceremony.

Clinical research works the same way. Johns Hopkins safety guidelines describe hand-holding as a simple and powerful form of reassurance, and recommend that staff show it during preparation so it doesn’t come as a surprise during the session.

Oregon’s licensed psilocybin program writes this into its rules. Facilitators may only use supportive touch if the client asks for it and has given written consent in advance. That touch is limited to hugs or a hand on the client’s hands, feet or shoulders. Clients in a group session may not touch one another except in the same limited ways, again only with prior written consent. Oregon’s rules only apply in Oregon, but they show what a clear, written agreement can look like anywhere.

What to settle before the ceremony

Ask the center to describe everything that may happen to your body, and decide what you’re comfortable with. Things to ask about:

  • Whether facilitators touch participants, when, and in what way.
  • Whether there will be bodywork, energy work, cleansings or blowing of smoke or liquid over you.
  • Who helps you if you can’t walk steadily to the bathroom or need help while vomiting.
  • Whether any part of the ceremony happens one-to-one, and who else will be present.
  • What you’ll be asked to wear, and whether you’ll ever be asked to remove clothing.
  • Whether photos, video or audio are ever recorded.
  • Whether you’ll be expected to speak or share in a circle.
  • Whether you’ll be offered more of a substance during the ceremony, and how that’s decided.

On clothing, the Chacruna guide notes that nudity is not typical and that healers don’t customarily ask people to remove underwear for healing. It mentions that in some Colombian yage traditions participants may be asked to remove a shirt for a cleansing, and that keeping a bra or camisole on is normal.

Then tell the facilitator your boundaries. You might say: “Please ask before touching me. A hand on my shoulder is fine. I don’t want bodywork. If I’m struggling, talk to me first.” Some people agree a simple signal, such as a raised hand, for “I need help” and another for “please stop.”

During the ceremony

Two principles help.

First, you can always say no or stop. A “no” during the ceremony counts, even if you agreed to something earlier. Researchers interviewed about touch in clinical trials said consent should be agreed before dosing and managed all the way through, and that participants change their minds.

Second, a new “yes” during the ceremony counts for much less. If someone suggests a kind of touch, a private session or an extra practice you didn’t agree to beforehand, the safe answer is “not tonight.” The same researchers stressed the need for limits on expanding consent after a drug has been taken. In Oregon, even taking a second dose of psilocybin during a session needs written consent signed before it begins.

The Chacruna guide adds that you shouldn’t feel obliged to talk to or touch healers, facilitators or anyone else during or after a ceremony. Your personal space is yours.

Boundaries beyond touch

Consent covers more than physical contact:

  • Being filmed or photographed. Oregon requires written consent before a session is recorded. Anywhere, you can ask that no recording happen.
  • Your story. What you say in a sharing circle shouldn’t end up on social media or in marketing.
  • Pressure to take more. Being offered a second cup is common in some traditions. Being pushed, teased or shamed into it is not acceptable.
  • Pressure to share. You can sit in a circle and pass.
  • Other people in the room. A participant who keeps reaching for you, or crowds your mat, is something staff should deal with.

Sex has no place in a ceremony

Sexual contact between a facilitator and a participant is never part of healing. The Chacruna guide says sexual intercourse between healer and patient during or directly after ceremonies is not acceptable in ayahuasca traditions, and that sleeping with a shaman will not heal you or give you special powers. It also warns that attraction felt during this time may be temporary and may even be induced.

Oregon’s rules forbid facilitators from any romantic relationship, sexual contact or sexual intimacy with a client during the services, and for a year after the last session. The same ban covers a client’s partner and immediate family. That one-year rule is a sensible benchmark for any center.

Warning signs listed in the Chacruna guide include a healer who comments on your looks, is overly touchy, or tells you his wife doesn’t mind him having sex with other women. Its advice also includes taking part with friends, making sure experienced women are present to support female participants, and being cautious about individual sessions alone with a healer, which have been a common setting for abuse.

If a boundary is crossed

In the moment:

  • Say “stop” or “no” clearly, as many times as you need to.
  • Move toward other people. Ask for a different staff member or a friend to sit with you.
  • Don’t agree to go anywhere private with the person involved.
  • If you’re in danger, call for help, or call your local emergency number if you can.

Afterwards, when the effects have worn off:

  • Write down what happened, when, who was there and what was said. Save messages.
  • Tell someone you trust.
  • If you think a crime was committed, you can report it to the police where it happened. Abroad, your embassy or consulate can help.
  • Fireside Project’s free psychedelic peer support line, 62-FIRESIDE (623-473-7433), takes calls and texts from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Pacific time every day. In the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline answers calls and texts at 988.

The Chacruna guide’s message to survivors is worth repeating: don’t suffer in silence, it isn’t your fault, and you can report later even if you couldn’t act at the time.

On Safe Ceremonies you can also leave a review describing your own experience. Our guidelines ask reviewers to stick to what they saw and went through, and not to name staff or other guests. We can’t publish accusations of a crime or abuse that haven’t been through a formal process, which is one more reason to go to the police as well. A factual account of how the center handled consent and touch still helps the next person decide.

Questions to ask before you book

  • Will anyone touch me during the ceremony? How, and will they ask first?
  • Do you have a written policy on touch and on relationships with participants?
  • Are there ever one-to-one sessions? Who else is present?
  • Will I be asked to remove any clothing?
  • How do I signal that I want help, or want someone to stop?
  • What happens if a staff member or participant crosses a boundary? Who do I tell?
  • Are women on the staff for every ceremony?

A good center answers these without hesitation, and usually has a written policy it’s glad to send you. If you’re told that boundaries are “ego” or that the healing requires you to let go of them, you’ve learned what you need to know.

More guides

Reviews are one of the few places you’ll learn how a center handles touch and boundaries in practice. You can search the Safe Ceremonies listings and read past participants’ accounts, in categories such as ayahuasca, kambo and breathwork.

Sources

Photo: Terraced Garden Gate by NPS Photo, Public domain.

Safe Ceremonies
Author: Safe Ceremonies

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